Fountain of the Living Word Marriage Proposal Procedure

Fountain of the Living Word Marriage Proposal Procedure

Young Adults Department
Policy on Marriage Proposal

Marriage is honorable, and it’s instituted by God. Every step towards making this decision must be carefully handled and be done appropriately. The church policy on marriage proposal is not to control, but to partner, certainly for their benefits. The Church is not a matchmaker, to tell anybody who to marry or not to marry, but to work with persons involved to help them at a time when emotions can override good judgment to stay on the path of rightly doing all things in order. Marriage is good and enjoyable, but if handled wrongly, it can turn to be miserable. Failure to follow the church policy doesn’t terminate your membership with the church, but it simply means that the church will not be officially involved in your wedding ceremony, as the scriptures instruct to do Rm 16:17 – “Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them – KJV

We insist on due process as a guide that helps us do the same things no matter who is involved. It helps keep the Church Family in one spirit and one purpose and not in disorder, for God is not a God of confusion. A situation where everybody does his or her own thing will cause confusion. We, therefore, need guiding principles that everybody must abide with.

1 Cor. 14:40 – “But be sure that everything is done properly and in order.” – NLT

1 Cor. 14:33 – “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints” – KJV

  1. When a brother identifies someone he’s interested in getting married to, it is required of him to bring this to his parents/guidance’s attention, as well as the Singles ministry Ministerial Overseer for proper guidance and also to join hands with him in seeking the face of God for guidance on the matter.
  2.  The brother will work with his parents/guidance, and the Pastor to agree on the matter, before proceeding to make his proposal to the lady. This is when the family needs to agree and also the parents receive the honor due to them as parents. The pastor is just there to help in case they have any difficulty reaching an agreement. To be sure that the discussions are respectful, cordial and that scriptures are guiding them but not to instruct them who to marry or not to marry. It is ultimately their decision. They need the pastor also because sometimes emotions can run high and anger can develop in the conversations.
  3. After contacting the lady to express his mind, and by informing her as well to pray on the matter, the brother will have to give the lady some time for her to follow the same procedure as stated in step 1 and 2 so that her own family is equally honored and carried along. THIS MUST NOT GO PUBLIC FOR ANY REASON AT THIS TIME.
  4. THE REASONS
    1. We always want to cross our T’s and dot our I’s before we go public. We need to protect the girls from any kind of unintended consequences of gossip etc.
    2. If it does not work out, everybody quietly goes on without having anything to explain.
    3. Again it helps people not to feel ashamed or looked down on if nobody knows when it does not work out. Everybody moves on with dignity.
    4. Another good reason to keep it under wraps, for now, is to avoid undue interference from friends and etc that can cause confusion and sometimes introduces things that do not help the families or even the people involved in any way. Just remember that some people are mischievous and some are plain gossips and lay forgers like Job’s friends…. Job 13:44 – “But ye are forgers of lies, ye are all physicians of no value” – KJV
  5. The lady will then get back to the brother about her decision on the matter.
  6. If all the parties agree, then the two of them will be presented to the whole church and be prayed for. Their courtship will then begin, they will be presented to the Pre-marital counseling group, and they now start planning for their wedding.

THOSE MARRYING OUTSIDE OUR CHURCH FAMILY

  1. For those marrying outside our church family, we will respect whatever policy their Pastors and leaders have put in place to guide their own members. We have no control over another church and their Pastors. REPEAT WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANOTHER CHURCH FAMILY.
  2. BUT YOU MUST PROVIDE US WITH THE FOLLOWING
    1. Letter from the church showing that they are handling the marriage process for you.
    2. Letter from your parents/guardian signifying that they know and are in agreement with the marriage procedure.

Failing to provide us with this information may indicate that, that church does not approve of your process and we cannot, therefore, get involved when their Pastors and your parents are not involved too.

CITY PROCEDURES

*** IN the State of NJ, the couple to need to go to the city where either the man or lady lives and file for a marriage license; it takes about 3 business days to collect so they need to start early but not too early as it can expire after 6 months.

*** We suggest the couple to be should contact the city and ask for details but what they typically ask for is proof of the lady being a resident of that city and also a witness when they go to file.

*** The license has to be signed on the day of the marriage by the officiating minister after he/she has wedded them but prior to that, all categories have to be completed and signed by the witness for both individuals getting married.

*** After completing the license, including getting the officiating minister’s signature, the church administrator distributes the copies appropriately (church, married couple…) and sends the proper copy to the city where the marriage took place (NOT NECESSARILY THE CITY THAT ISSUED THE MARRIAGE LICENSE BUT WHERE THE CEREMONY WAS DONE).

*** This has to be mailed and received or dropped off to that city hall no later than 5 business days after the marriage is performed or the marriage is NULL. The couple will go to the city hall where the marriage occurred and pick-up their marriage certificate. Please call the city to find out when it will be ready for pick-up.

TYPES OF WEDDING….Cut your coat according to what you have!!!!!!

  1. You can have a quiet wedding in the morning, or afternoon or evening
  2. You can have a big wedding
  3. We will wed you on any day of your choice provided there is no church program. You can also wed during service on Sundays if you so desire
  4. You can have the short marriage service or the full one with a ceremony. It is your choice and your big day and we will honor your choice.

For further questions or clarification, please contact the Ministerial Overseer for the Singles Ministry.

For more information on getting the marriage license, please visit  How to Apply for a Marriage License